i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
