i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
