the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
