This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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