I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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