my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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