My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize