he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
