I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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