I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize