Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I smell like Dick and happiness
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