I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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