Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
