Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We left the knife in your bed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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