at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize