If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Too much gin, very little bucket
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
A+ Viking dick
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
