I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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