i just had sex bonerless
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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