sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
