I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
