Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dignity is for republicans.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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