I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
