had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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