If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
