He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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