sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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