I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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