she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
farters have to be the big spoon...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
