my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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