mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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