I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
