Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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