Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
