Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there was a trapeze. enough said
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
