i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
