sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize