Your tits are I can't wait for
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
