if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
