nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
