We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
