he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
