It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
