i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
