this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
