put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
