Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
