Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
