i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
