note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I sprained my soul last night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
