I am spending my child support on dildos
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize