i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
