I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
