we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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