if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
