apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
