first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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