You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
