Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bring me that man meat
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
