Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
nutella sex= disaster
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
