Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Mom said you looked used
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
