CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
